Polka Dot Love.

Every fashionista knows that there are some things in the fashion world that never go old. NEVER. For example, The Little Black Dress, The Bold Red lip color, Plain White Shirt with good old denims and Polka Dots. A polka dot dress, a nice polka dot top or anything polka dotted in general makes you ten times cuter instantly right? But when the same polka dot thing appears on your face? NO! Not chickenpox!! But, pimples. Yeah. I can imagine your despair sister. The irritation you’re facing right now is something that each one of us goes through. Every single one of us.

This is the usual procedure that goes on is as follows:

Stage One: Spotting the little bad guy AND,

Stage Two: Going back to last week (or month) and thinking what caused it. Analyzing every food item you ate, cursing yourself for using friend’s face powder and Google for pimple removal tips. 

Stage Three: Finding ways hide it. Band Aid (too huge), Cap (doesn’t match the outfit), Bandana (to hot outside), Make up! (wears out ). Eventually taking the brave decision to step out without hiding it. 

Stage Four: Stepping out, and regretting it. BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE SO JOBLESS THAT THEY ONLY HAVE THE JOB OF JUDGING ME OVER MY PIMPLES. AND HENCE HIDING FROM EVERYONE.

 

 

 

 

 

Stage Five: Struggle.  This struggle is real. The struggle to not touch it, the struggle not to poke it, the struggle to not just scratch it out of your face is one of the most difficult form of self control.

Stage Six: After a week of hiding, face packs, scrubbing, exfoliating et cetera, the bad guy’s gone. REJOICE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As a girl, I know each one of us is prone to over thinking. So for example, if we repeat some top in a week at college {I doubt that it is possible in anyone’s life}, this is what we think *OH MY GOD I WORE THIS TOP AGAIN. SURE I LOOK CUTE BUT THAT’S TWICE A WEEK. I AM SURE KIM WILL NOTICE MY TOP AND SHE’S GOING TO SPREAD RUMORS ABOUT ME HAVING NO CLOTHES TO WEAR. I THINK I SHOULD GO BACK HOME AND CHANGE, I’LL JUST HAVE TO MISS THE FIRST LECTURE. HOW COULD I FORGET I WORE IT ONCE ALREADY.* {And, so and so forth. Sigh.}

 

 

 

 

 

 

So I am pretty sure this is what goes on in different ladies’ minds when they’re having pimples & obviously its over thinking to maximum:

THE SINGLE GIRL:

I should’ve skipped college today. Now George (her crush) is going to get revolted and he won’t smile back. He’s going to think I am so ugly. Oh my God why did I eat Sev Puri from those streets. But I had it after four months!! I am NEVER eating street food again. *George walks in, glances at her, sits in the next bench, doesn’t look back because he is BUSY PLAYING FIFA’14.* “Hey there!” *No answer* AND THEN…

*OH MY GOD. HE SAW IT. NOW HE THINKS I AM UGLY. OH GOD. WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED. I PROBABLY LOOK LIKE SOME DALMATIAN. WHY DID I HAVE TO EAT. OH GOD I PROMISE I WON’T EAT STREET FOOD. JUST MAKE THIS PIMPLE GO AWAY. PLEASE.*

AND IT GOES ON TILL HE FINISHES HIS GAME AND LOOKS AT HER {HARDLY NOTICING THE PIMPLE} AND SMILES. *GIGANTIC SIGH OF RELIEF. *

THE IN-A-RELATIONSHIP GIRL:

Okay. I’ve put on ‘no-makeup’ make up so we’re good. Johnny won’t be able to see it. (Right?) I am carrying a scarf just in case he happens to notice it. There he is. “Hi babe!” *OH GOD. DID HE SEE IT?! I HOPE NOT. I’VE SEEN SEVEN TUTORIALS AND I THINK I’VE NAILED THE MAKE UP. HE DIDN’T HUG ME TODAY {Because they’re in the corridor where the dean’s office is, but who notices all that!}. I THINK HE THINKS I HAVE NO CONCERN FOR MY SKIN. WILL HE LEAVE BECAUSE I AM NOT PRETTY ANY MORE? I SAW HIM EXCHANGING ASSIGNMENTS WITH SARAH, SHE’S GOT AMAZING SKIN. I WONDER WHAT FACE WASH SHE USES. OH LORD OF COUPLES, PLEASE KEEP MY RELATION SAFE.* {meanwhile Johnny hugs her since there’s no staff around, and, GINORMOUS, SIGHS OF RELIEF. }

Jokes apart, having pimples on the face does really feel like a nightmare. In a generation where taking selfies is a staple part of life, having those bad guys on the face is a real struggle. Then spending time to edit them out of pictures, adjusting hair such that they hide away the pimples and there are endless tries to hide them away. Of course if they leave a mark after they leave, it altogether another kind of pain. 18743634 routines, creams, scrubs to get rid of them, isn’t it?  You might be having a perfect diet, perfect food routine but in a city like Mumbai where pollution ubiquitous, you can’t do a lot to protect your faces every day, every moment. In a busy life where your sleep schedule is different everyday, pimples pop every other day. I KNOW GURL FRIEND, IT’S A TOUGH LIFE.  I don’t have to tell you tips to protect your face because you already know those, probably more than I do. I am just, you know, empathizing with you. You are very pretty, don’t let a puny thing like a pimple make you feel any less!!!

Still one small bit of advice, make sure you hit the links below. they might hold just THE SOLUTIONS to keep those evil guys away!!

bit.ly/GPABlogLinkIndiBloggerActivity

and

bit.ly/GarnierPureActiveNeemWebsite

More till next time people!

Blondie ⭐

 

GIF Courtesy : Tumblr. 🙂

19 YEARS, 19 LESSONS: PART FOUR.

Finally, the last three lessons on my list. Have fun y’all!!!

LESSON SEVENTEEN: EXCLUSIVELY FOR GIRLS,  RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FROM “THE” SINGLE FRIEND)

{YOU KNOW SHE ALWAYS GIVES THE BEST ADVICE}

So, you know he loves you so much that he’d do anything for you. Doesn’t mean that he’s your puppy and you make him do things so that you can show off him on Insta posts. NO. A little display of PDA is fine, but if your Facebook status is *Foot massages from your honey bear are so fetch!. – feeling sexy with Michael Rogers* NO. WE DO NOT WANT TO KNOW. YES THERE’LL BE GIRLS DRENCHED IN GREEN, BUT NO. EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO PUKE OVER TEDDY BEARS. Having said that, if you don’t think he’s the one, let him go. But but but, please don’t go around behaving as if you’re in the middle of a shopping spree and you try whatever pleases your mood. Unless you want a jar full of *broken* hearts. (#ChristinaPerriReference) Also, if all he wants is action, (if you know what I mean, if not then go and watch CN. -_- ) then the only time he gets a kiss from you should be when you kiss him goodbye for good. Or else if its a *YOU WANNA?* *I WANNA!* *YOU WANNA!?* *I WANNA!!* scenario, feel free to EXERCISE!!! (Google Kanan Gill, Prem Aggan to understand this reference).

LESSON EIGHTEEN: EXCLUSIVELY FOR BWOYS, DON’T BE AN ASS, JUST READ IT

Be a gentleman. Pulling the chair for your girl or opening doors for her or some chivalry like that sometimes doesn’t make you her chauffeur, it makes you a gentleman. Nobody is asking you to have a fireworks show that says  *I LOVE YOU SAMANTHA*, but little gestures you do make a difference. Before you decide to woo some girl make sure you really have feelings where words like hard mean you’re falling hard (in love). ALSO, YOU MIGHT BE A TECH FREAK, BUT NEVER EVER, EVER ASK HER OUT OVER TEXT. SOME THINGS, ARE MEANT TO BE OLD SCHOOL. Don’t go buying expensive gifts for her as and when she pleases, because then, she is a money digging biatch. Lastly, your testosterone levels might be raging and you probably can’t can’t keep it in your pants, that still is a totally invalid reason to date anyone except your hands.

P.S: SHE’S NOT REALLY A KEEPER IF ALL SHE EATS IS DIET FOOD AND CHECKS CALORIE AND FAT AMOUNT ON THE BACK OF THE WRAPPER EVERY DAMN TIME.

LESSON NINETEEN: BELIEVE IN SOMETHING/ONE

Yes, this is sort of deep. But yeah, believe in some Higher force. I strongly believe that there’s someone who’s looking out for you and planning things for you. I am not asking you to fast every Monday or go to the Church every Sunday. But at the end of the day, make sure you thank someone and are grateful to Him/Her for everything. Doesn’t mean you are what you are just because of them, of course you worked hard, but the belief in something stronger will always give you hope. It’s always going to be helpful in difficult times and there’s going to be a time when you’ll see it. Even if you believe in the Goddess of Rhinoceroses it’s okay. Just make sure you thank her for every good thing that happens because she might just be really looking out for you. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BELIEVE. AND TRUST ME, WISHES DO COME TRUE.

That’s it for now. I hope I’ve helped you.

More next time,

Love,

Blondie ⭐

19 YEARS, 19 LESSONS: PART THREE.

I’ve been away, celebrating my stepping stone into old age, trying to celebrate 2015. Here are my last few lessons fellas!

LESSON ELEVEN: FIND YOUR SECRET HIDEAWAY.

This is absolutely essential once you’re in the latter part of your teenage. Could be any place, top of the water tank on your terrace, some garden in the other end of the town, or some place as busy as Juhu beach. But make sure you have a go-to place if you ever feel low and need time to get your brains straight. You’re going to have issues in your life, and if you’re the kind who thinks-over-it and then acts, then this is a must do. And if not issues, some quiet time alone can never harm you. Unless you over think like me. Then there’s going to be a alien attack by the time you’ve returned to your real world and the aliens have taken away your favorite belongings, including the Batman action figure you got on your first birthday. And your friends are kidnapped and it’s your duty now to save them. You’re Captain America now. SEE WHAT I MEAN BY GETTING CARRIED AWAY?! SIGHS.

ALSO MAKE SURE THE PLACE IS SAFE ENOUGH AND DOES NOT HAVE CREEPY HUMANS WAITING TO ABDUCT YOU. BE SAFE OKAY?

LESSON TWELVE: NEVER LOOSE YOUR TOUCH FOR OTHERS

There’ll be a lot of times where you won’t fit in. You’ll be too funny, too lame, too sarcastic, too-much-something for people. But that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. No one will like everything about you. What’s important is you don’t lose yourself just make some like you. It’s okay to not use social media, its okay if your hobby is looking at fishes swim. Trust me by the time you are old enough, you’ll realise that people who’ll stick to you for your quirky traits are the ones who genuinely like you and you have nothing to pretend about. BE YOU BRUH.

LESSON THIRTEEN: MAKE YOUR PERSONAL STYLE ABOUT COMFORT

This goes for both girls and boys. Just because Kendall Jenner is posting Instagram selfies in a crop top, doesn’t mean you have rush to F21 to buy one. So, no. Keep it about you. Not following latest fashion is cool tbh.

DOESN’T MEAN YOU WEAR JEANS HANGING OFF YOUR HIPS. NO BOYS. NO. EVEN J BIEB LOOKS FUGLY IN IT. THAT SHIT IS REVOLTING AS FUCK.

LESSON FOURTEEN: LEARN TO DO SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE LEAST EXPECT YOU TO DO

YOU’RE A BOY AND YOU KNOW HOW TO BAKE ?! WHAT?! OR, YOU’RE A GIRL AND YOU KICKASS AT BASKETBALL?!! YES. SOMETHING LIKE THAT. There’s a hidden pleasure in being able to do something that’s opposite to your personality. Keep it a secret which only a few people know about you. Maybe someday you’ll be famous and they’ll ask you in your interview, tell us something about you which very few people know. Now you want to be able to answer it, don’t you?

LESSON FIFTEEN: LEARN DECENT ENGLISH

THIS ONE. THIS ONE IS SO FUCKIN IMPORTANT THAT I WANT TO CAPITALIZE WHAT’S IN CAPITAL ALREADY. YES. WE’RE FROM THE GENERATION OF TEXTING, BUT IF YOU TEXT ME *Shud I live?* BEFORE YOU LEAVE YOUR PLACE TO MEET ME, I WILL ONLY TEXT BACK, *NO. DON’T LIVE. I HOPE YOU’RE RUN OVER BY A BUS ON YOUR WAY.* BECAUSE NO. JUST NO. YOU DON’T HAVE TO SAY YOU’RE WOEBEGONE, BUT SAYING SAD WILL SUFFICE. JUST LEARN TO USE YOUR WORDS AND GRAMMAR RIGHT AT LEAST. PLEASE.

LESSON SIXTEEN: KEEP YOUR PROMISES

If you promise something, to anyone. Keep it. Nothing is more offensive than a person not keeping his words. Be true to your words. If it’s something you can’t pull off, don’t promise it for the sake of it. Promises aren’t meant to be broken, they’re meant to be fulfilled.

More in the next post,

Love,

Blondie ⭐

Wrap Up!

So, it feels good to write again after a long time. This time, Imma wrap up the guide for you guys.

Tips to follow:

* Avoid grannies and aunties if you’re a teenager who is hearing music at ear blasting levels or is wearing any kind of outfit that shows your legs or midriff or is going to discuss boys with friends. Because, they’re going to judge you relentlessly, discuss about you like you’re the headlines of the news channel that morning and yes, they’ll do that even when they know you can hear them.

*Don’t underestimate the power of Mumbai local trains. From samosas and vadas to chocolates, from leggings to scarves, from earrings to bangles from OH WELL THE LIST IS ENDLESS. Those tiny barrettes you saw in Accesorize? And you didn’t buy because 300rs for three tiny pieces of fabric tied in a bow is just plain ridiculous? (And you were heart broken for days because those barrettes were A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E) Anyways you’re going to find the doppelganger of the barrette for HALF of HALF the PRICE. There’s always a steal here. ALWAYS.

 WARNING: NEVER EVER BUY COSMETICS. MAYBELLINE OR LAKME OR ELLE 18 AREN’T SHUTTING DOWN OR BANKRUPT TO SELL THEIR GOODS IN THE TRAINS. THE NANO STORES OF TRAINS SELL DOPPELGANGERS,  NOT THE ORIGINAL. SO IF YOU’RE SEEKING FOR KATRINA KAIF, YOU’RE ALWAYS GOING TO END UP WITH ZARINE KHAN.

*All you teenage girls, you’re not relatives/ descendants of Edward Cullen (you wish ), you’re not going to live young forever and stop aging. Someday, you’re going to turn in to a wrinkled hag who can’t make out out two fingers from three. So when you tell your friend ” Aree buddhi kitne aaram se utar rahi hai” makes you an obnoxious bitchface who was busy picking her nose when the teacher taught manners in school. Be nice to old people. Being rude or calling names in English does not make you cool in any way. Don’t forget that karma is a bitch. Chances are, when you’re old someday, the granddaughter of the lady you insulted will walk over you just the way you walked over her granny. Peace out.

*EVERY Mumbaikar travelling at peak hour times in the same train everyday is a part of some group in the train. They’ll laugh boisterously, pass jokes that are lame. And that will annoy you, you’ll think that they’re over-smart, you’ll make faces and try to ignore them.

And after one month of travelling by the same train everyday, VOILA! You’re BFFLs with them. You’ll gossip about women from other groups, wave cheesy goodbyes from the window when you alight the train. Next you’re planning movie dates and dinners with your “group”. Hypo critic much?

 *CAT-FIGHTS ARE MEANT TO BE ENJOYED.

Not resolved. Unless you see BLOOD. Then probably you should stop them. Or maybe NOT.

     

*If them females are rude to you, don’t feel bad or angry. They’ve probably had a bad day or failed or fired. Or have Niagara falls time (if you know what I mean). BE HUMAN TO A HUMAN.

As weird as it sounds, the train journey could be interesting. You could have the best and worst experience in one train journey itself.  Today some trample you, tomorrow you trample some. But well, life goes on.

Until next time,

Lots of Love,

-Blondie. ⭐

Specimens of our Extremely Beloved Local Trains.

So let’s get straight to the Specimens of the locals. Oh yes, BELOVED LOCAL TRAINS, if you’re looking at me with ARE-YOU-KIDDING-ME-EYES. WHY? Because like Vada Pav, Marine Drive and Bollywood, a Mumbaikar can never hate local trains,    and they’re lying if they say they hate em. Deep down, they have a special spot for all these things.

Let’s just start with the ones I absolutely despise. Like Jews hated Hitler, like we all hate Cersei Lannister for being a bitch (I hate her much more, enough to write a hate list which never ends), Like we hate Bellatrix for killing Sirius and Dobby. Erm, you get the picture.

I PRESENT TO YOU (WITH HEAPS OF LOATHING): THE MIMOSA PUDICAS. (AKA THE TOUCH-ME-NOTS)

These are the untouchables. No no no no. I am not being racist. (-_-) If you saw the name properly, it says touch “ME” not. These ladies are the types that find everything disgusting. Literally everything. If you were to give sanitizer bottles to them, they’d find em also revolting. You can’t have one square millimeter of your skin, one strand of hair touching them, also your bags can’t touch them, not even your SHADOW should fall on them. Yep. No kidding.

AND THAT MAKES ME WONDER WHY THEY DON’T BUY A PRIVATE VEHICLE AND SPARE EVERY ONE THE SELF-PITY THAT’S INDUCED THANKS TO THEM. OR MAY BE WRAP YOURSELF IN A BUBBLE WRAP OR A CLING FILM OR ALUMINIUM FOIL OR WHATEVER. THEY HAVE MORE ISSUES THAN SHELDON COOPER ABOUT GETTING TOUCHED.

And the glare they give,

 

it’s like you stamped their face with your foot when in reality the Big toe part of your shoe touches their shoe. I KID YOU NOT. THESE CRANKY FEMALES DO EXIST. And God forbid you happen to actually hurt them in some small way by chance, *deep sigh*. For example, your hand slips and happens to give a small pat on their shoulder, they will gasp as if you have dislocated the entire hand.

MY ADVICE: RETURN THE COURTESY OF THE SCOWLS OR BETTER, IGNORE. LIKE THEY DO NOT EXIST.

NEXT ON MY HATE LIST ARE: Wannabe College Girls.

 

These are like the girls from early Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan movies. They’re the Indian version of blondes. Usually found in a group of 5-6 sorority sisters who giggle at every joke which isn’t even a joke, laugh like a electric current is passing through them and head bang like they’re listening to Metallica or EDM music (a peek at their mobile screens and its a Yo-Yo Honey Singh track playing) {-_-} And they dress up pretty decently you know, wearing wrist bands of Avicii or Linkin Park or T-shirts with HIMYM quotes and you think “Oh! There’s some one relatable”. And two minutes later they start discussing what happened yesterday in Baalika Vadhu {Crappy Indian TV show} and you’re sitting there doing,

And they are so self engrossed, they’ll walk all over you and still not realise it. *SIGH*

MY ADVICE: Sit back and enjoy the blonde moments.

Many more Specimens coming up,

Until then,

Shitloads of Love,

Blondie ⭐